the week of the jellybean

Right now, for great reasons and really silly reasons, life feels so exhausting. And the days are not that hard, not really. It's just that I have a two year old. A very curious, independence-exercising toddler. She fusses a lot, and since we stopped breastfeeding (did I tell you that? The tatas are mine all mine!), she wants to be held all the time, which poses some annoyances, you know walking around with a fussing, fidgety 30 lb weight in your arms. She's become very demanding. And often defiant. And it has become very clear that we have left the gate of "get ready she's going to not be a baby for long" to the fast paced race of having to be PARENTS who discipline and have STERN, mommy/daddy voices.

The thing we are learning about stern mommy daddy voices is that they can not be discerning, but Ellie KNOWS that she has the advantage when we're out in public and she REFUSES to listen to what I'm saying. "No Ellie do not go running away from me in the store" used to be a gentle, nudging whisper, and now it's "NO Ellie we do NOT GO RUNNING in the store!!!" I am a full blown stern voiced mommy these days and frankly, I find the whole look just so....unattractive. I hate having mean mommy voice when my child is out in public being so darned CUTE and FUNNY when she's disobeying mommy. I know when people look at her with that "oh she's just so cute" sort of toddler adoration and here comes mean mommy running around the corner chasing my cute little kid and talking with my mean mommy voice. And damn that cuteness! Sometimes it just makes me want to take my stern mommy face and twist it right up into a full blown, adoring smile, but DAMN IT, I will not let you get to me, cuteness! Stern mommy!

All jest aside, Mike and I are rolling along on this parenting trip, and we are figuring out that being a parent takes a lot of work. No relaxing. No, "meh, you want to write on yourself with pen? Ah heck, sure why not." "You want to stand up on the dishwasher cover? Oh what the hey." Instead there is lots of wrangling, carrying,  negotiation, and sometimes, I dare say, bribery.


I am going to openly admit a terrible mommy thing that I did and remember, glass houses, folks!

When we were at Telluride Bluegrass Festival I just didn't have it IN ME to be mean mommy all the time, and there were lots of times I should have been. Like getting on the crowded shuttle EVERY DAY and practically begging Ellie to put on her seat belt. "NO SEATBELT!!!". So I busted out the big guns. "Ellie, if you put your seatbelt on I'll give you a jelly bean."
Click.
"Jellybean?"
And well, do you guess where this is going? "Ellie, I'll give you a jellybean if you put your shoes on". "I'll give you a jellybean if you walk". "I'll give you a jellybean if you eat 5 bites of your sandwich."
I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, the week of the jellybean is over and we are back in our routine and mean mommy is out. There were definitely a few days of "JELLYBEAN! JELLY BEAN! JELLLLLLYYYYBBBEEEAAANNN!!". But we're over that now. Though I do have a stash for when she finally pees in that damn potty. But that's another blog.

Keepin on the sunny side...

Another Telluride Bluegrass Festival has come and gone.
Festivarian life changes with children. Sometimes it's hugely inconvenient, and sometimes it lifts you higher than you could have ever been without the young love.
We had lots of children around us this year, and the cuteness was overflowing.
So were the toddler arguments, the spats about sharing, the constant need for mitigation.
There were times when all I wanted to do was dance but my overly tired child would cling to me so hard, "No dance, mommy!!". I'd kiss her forehead. "No kiss mommy!!".
(I'd dance anyway. I'd kiss anyway. I couldn't help it.)
But there were times when things aligned.

• There was the playful and adorable time I took Ellie up to the very front and center to see Emmylou Harris, and the crowd of hippy moms that stood on and fed her that sweet adoring energy. The lighting was perfect, and my daughter was so sweet. I held her and told myself to never forget this precious moment. Never forget Emmylou Harris and the front row with my daughter. Never forget these older moms and how they are thinking about their young festival days with their own children. It's hard to describe but the moment was so perfect that it still makes me tear up.
• There was the evening that my inlaws babysat and Mike and I went out late to see Old Crow Medicine Show and how much FUN we had. How it was FREEZING but I hula hooped so hard, and so long, that I was literally dripping with sweat. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE to hula hoop? You have no idea!
• There were the friends that we connected with, both new and old, and the laughs and dances and smiles that permeated the entire week.
• There was the lazy sunday morning listening to my new favorite Nora Jane Struthers and her sweet music. And Darrell Scott's surprise guest of Patti Griffin and how much I LOVE HER.
• There was the sweet birthday cupcakes that we shared under our canopy, and how when I blew out my candles there wasn't anything I wanted to wish for. 
• There was the deep sense of being completely in love with my family. The three of us together having the time of our lives. 

I'm 34 now.
I've been to 5 Telluride Bluegrasses, my first when I was 27.
My life has changed in so many indescribable ways, but my love of the festival continues;
my love of bluegrass.
my love of dancing in the sunshine.
my love of Colorado.

Life is so darn good.

Happy Summer Solstice, everyone!!

One foot out the door...and fashion friday

After work today I am on vacation, yo!. A full on, over a week long hiatus from THIS routine. Incidentally the vacation happens to be in my favorite place with my favorite thing to do of all time: Telluride Bluegrass Festival. You have no idea how happy I am. NO IDEA!! Ticky tock, clock!

So my seven year old niece is still staying with us and I have to say, it's kind of a treat taking care of a child who is a little OLDER. Who doesn't insist on trying to crawl back into your WOMB at all hours of the day. Who can ARTICULATE. Most of all I love that I finally get to do all the fun things I envisioned doing as a mom but with a little more appreciation: singing fun kids songs, reading books, exploring, making things. She's a really great kid and I know it's a little strange coming to stay with a whole new family, but she has adapted beautifully. We love her. Enough that we can even put up with THIS for SEVERAL hours of the day:

"What if the table didn't have legs?"
"What if ladybugs couldn't fly?
"What if you left the house and forgot that it was nice out and had on a winter coat?"
"What if I lived in California and had to visit on a plane?"
"What if I ate this carrot like a bunny?"
"What if I made a funny face and it stuck?"
"What if I buried this seed in the ground?"
"What if this milk came out of my nose when I laughed?"

Oh dear me.

Anyway, it's friday and I'm on the ball today. FASHION FRIDAY!! Brought to you with a little inspiration for our festivarian week....

Dress: Gap
Shrug: Gap
Hat: Old Navy

See you post bluegrass shakedown!

Fashion friday....on saturday

Because the sun is so awesome,
because the garden needs love,
because there are trails to bike
and mountains to climb
because most of our time is spent outdoors
because I'm watching twice as many children
because I'm too busy enjoying my favorite time of year

this blog will suffer.
and that's okay.

It will always be here for me and that's why I love it so.
It lets me go away for awhile and take care of what needs to be done.
It is totally cool with friday being on a saturday

because sometimes that's how you gotta roll.

Enjoy the weekend!

dress: Lavender Alley
Pants: Target
Hat: Children's Place
Sweater: Old Navy
Shoes: See Kai Run

choosing

Sometimes the world feels like crushing pressure. Sometimes there is just so much to do. Sometimes you plow forward getting tasks done and you don't look up. Sometimes you don't remember what it feels like to just stop and take a deep breath.

And then you do. You stop. You take a deep breath. You look around and suddenly it's summer. 

The world is not stressed. The world is glorious and sunny. You remind yourself that you get to choose how you feel.