Love is in the air.....

Enjoying great food. Laughing with family. Knitting. Watching football. Christmas shopping. Thanksgiving leftovers. Christmas music. Putting up the tree. A long weekend together as a family. Christmas crafts. Ellie smiles. The three of us sleeping in bed. Christmas photos. Friends over for dinner. Snow!

True joy at the simple things.

(Love is in the air.)



Eleanor with her newest cousin, Adeleigh. I think these two are going to be good friends.

Ellie absolutely loves her cousin Maya!

Another wonderful Thanksgiving with Mike's side of the family

Loving having her daddy home all day for so many days in a row!!

Don't let this picture fool you. She's not adding TO the tree. She takes the ornaments OFF the tree and then piles them all in her baby toilet. Yes. Like it's her job.

Rides with daddy.

All dolled up and no where to go but home. Perfect.

Happy Christmas season everyone!

Being thankful

At work, I've been very busy with sick patients, and Thanksgiving is a busy time of year. Hospitals want their patients to be home for the holidays, so they call hospice, and that's where I come in.

Cancer doesn't care about holidays. Today I admitted the most complex patient, with so many skilled nursing needs, and so much cancer. She was my mom's age and she had 2 grown children. She just wanted to go home. So I spent the day at the hospital making sure she could do just that, and be as comfortable as possible. At the end of the day she did go home. And tomorrow her and her family will sit down and be together for Thanksgiving. Though she's not able to actually eat and digest food anymore, I know it will be an incredibly meaningful Thanksgiving for her. For her family.

No one wants to say it, but most likely it will be her last.

Being thankful.

I came home tonight and I felt my thankfulness. I really felt it in my core.

I think of all the Thankgivings in my life, each special face around the table. Each year the scene around the table changes. People get sick and die. People move away. Babies are born. People get married. But whatever the scene, there is something so magical about stopping the routine, gathering together, and eating Thanksgiving dinner. Love is present. There's a lingering sort of holiday magic in the air. People that are gone are missed. People that are present are appreciated.

Being thankful.

Of all holidays Thanksgiving is my favorite. There are no expectations from each other. You simply come. You are.
And you eat.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

My blessings are coming in the form of whoopie. Or, be careful what you wish for.

The power of social media is pretty significant. I guess I should realize this when I beckon my facebook friends to please help a Maine girl living in Colorado out by hooking me up with a sweet Maine treasure that is the whoopie pie. In this case, be careful what you wish for, as whoopie pies are calorie laden cake loaves of sweet sugary bliss. And my resistance to anything sugary is weak.

I wrote about my friends, the Cox Family, who hooked me up over the weekend, much to my delight and true surprise. Those whoopie pies had about a 12 hour life span in this house, now working their way through my metabolism and on their way to storage.

However, TODAY, I received another package, this time from my very loveable and fun cousin, Morgan. She is just the type of person to take my whoopie deprived requests seriously, and when the package marked "perishable" arrived, I knew.

I'd been blessed with another dose of whoopie.

Mike just said to me "Too bad your whoopie pie friends don't know your cycle". True dat, husband. True dat.


Am I surprised to be experiencing such an outpouring of whoopie? A little. But that's how people are in Maine, at least the people I know and love. They are good and generous, and they know a delictable piece of sugar when they see one.


I guess it's a good thing I just bought a series of spin classes. And I better make damn sure I get my at-risk-for-being-fat ass there.

Love you cuz!!!!

my happy place, and the treats I miss when I leave

If you're a good friend, an old boyfriend, or just someone that I happened to have gone on a long road trip with, then you KNOW that my favorite band in the whole, whole wide world, is the INDIGO GIRLS. I grew up singing their songs with my mom, who could pick out even the hardest guitar parts on the guitar. They represent really happy times in my life and truly, certain IG songs can turn a sour mood into a good one just like that. I love to play loud and sing proud. To me, they are classic, and I've been right there with them through each new album, and when they come to town, each local concert.

That said, I didn't see them this year, and I really try to see them every year. They were scheduled to play an E-town recording in Boulder, CO, and surely they sold out in no time at all. So I posted an ad on craigslist and some woman contacted me asking me about my IG history. I told her and apparently passed her screening process. She called me to congratulate me, as she would sell me one of her tickets to the front row center recording in Boulder. She just had one ticket for me, and I don't make a habit of going out alone to concerts, but this felt worth it. So last night I made the solo trek to Boulder, met some great people, and folks, I had a shit eating grin on my face for the entire show. I was SO close, and I just loved every second of it. Every second.



No cameras allowed so I had to sneak this pic on my phone.

Now I can count on one hand the number of bedtimes that I've missed with Ellie. I hate missing out on anything, and that may or may not be the healthiest approach to parenting, but it's the culture that the three of us as a family have created. That said, when I came home from the concert Mike informed me that a milestone had occured while I was gone but fortunately, he was able to capture it on camera. My heart aflutter I hurried over to the camera and here is what I found:

You SOOOOO have to be a mom to appreciate that!

Whoopie!

Being from Maine, there are lots of things that I miss. The ocean. Lobsters. Steamers. Endless forests. Microbrews. And when my monthly sweet tooth kicks in...whoopie pies.

Whoopie pies are tasty treats. Good for you? I should think not. But if you can allow yourself a momentary lapse into the world of partially hydrogenated fats then you will be greeted by the sweetest little chocolate cake with gooey white insides. Sugary! Baked! The perfect fix for "that" time of the month cravings.

That said, last week I had a craving so fierce that it reduced me to posting on my facebook page a pleading request for someone from Maine to send me a whoopie pie. Now surely I did this in jest, though it did spark quite a bit of commentary. One facebook friend sent me a recipe while another friend sent me a link to a whoopie pie sending company. All great information, but ultimately too much work for something I know isn't too good for me. (read: there is no way in hell I can handle a whole batch of home cooked whoopie pies with a sugar craving so acute).

So, moving forward. Today I went to a spin class, an early morning butt kicker set to hip hop music that was so loud and full of f bombs that I was frankly a little surprised that the cops weren't peeking in to assess gang related crime. But it was great, and I came home, ready to kick off my day with some yogurt and granola, post workout, when I see this.

Oh dear, is it? Could it be?

Whoopie pies!!!

Ellie didn't quite know what to think, she just knew that her mom was VERY excited.

Yes, I am a terrible mother.



The newest generation of sugar fiendery. Sorry Ellie.

 I would like to give a HUMONGOUS shout out to my friends, the Cox family. There are real ways of knowing who your friends are in life. Some give you a shoulder to cry on. Some hold your hair back when you're sick. And some send you whoopie pies. From far far away.

Thanks, friends!

So, so long calorie deficit day....hello whoopie!

treasure

Nature is so pretty.



Women Rock.

I think one of the biggest challenges of being a mom is finding the time. It's amazing how quickly the hours blow by in a day, how little can be done with a toddler requesting your constant attention and tornado-ing her way through the house. How you can get home from a long day at work and launch immediately into dinner then bedtime routine and how, FINALLY, at the end of the day you can sit down, gather your thoughts, and then try to do all of the adult, non-work related things you so aspire for yourself. Add into that the element of daylight savings time and you find your "go" time starting at 8pm in the pitch black. Bring. It. On.

I'm not always the most fun person to be around. I know, I know, you're shocked! I want there to be more hours of productivity in a day and frankly I get really annoyed that there aren't. Then I get mad at myself for not utilizing the later hours better, or not getting up earlier to be productive before the child awakens. Productivity, at least in the capacity I spent 32 years being used to, is the proverbial squeezing blood from a rock. I ask how all moms before me work, keep a clean house, RAISE their CHILD, be a wife, and then try to nurture all the quirky little things that make them unique. How do they FIND THE TIME??? What chapter in the parenting manual did I skip over?

I'm not a seasoned mom. I'm been a mom for 18 months, but I surmise, through my 18 months wisdom, that you just DO. Or you DON'T. You do work. Or you don't. You do shower. Or you don't. You do go out in public and remember to button up your shirt after a breastfeeding sesh. Or you don't. You do try to keep at least one glass clean. Or you don't. You DO nourish your own inner quirkiness. Or you don't. As a working mom life seems to be about keeping the juggling act going, managing all of the things I need to manage to the best of my ability. Some days I feel like I've got my juggling mojo ON and it feels great. Other days I'm dropping balls all over the place and trying my best not to just hurl all the balls against the wall and say screw it. Some days I want to add MORE to my juggling act. Somedays I want to just take a little breather from it all. It seems the more I practice this juggling game, the better I get.

We juggle. We raise our babies. We are strong members of the work force. We keep looking great. We menstruate. We entertain. We get hijacked by hormones. We manage child care. The load gets lighter. The load gets heavier. We get our shit done.

Women frigging rock.

Parental rite of passage: getting seriously puked on

On Saturday I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and took Ellie, who was suddenly the most cuddly and sweet baby in the world, into my arms. As she nestled her head on my neck I thought, THIS is so great, what LOVE! What a honey she was, and folks, my heart was SWELLING. It was at that moment that I felt the warmness and for a mere moment pontificated on what could be this warm liquid pouring down my skin. I'm talking a quart of milk, or so it seemed, and realized my baby had vomitted copious amounts of liquid all over me. Drenched. Her big eyes didn't know what was happening. Odd, too, because I was JUST thinking that I've not yet seen Ellie throw up. Poor little baby.

We laid very low this weekend. Our only real outing was a trip to REI. Going to REI made me feel oh so Christmas-sy. Then I wanted to get home and get my knit seriously on, as this year I am vowing to handmake all my presents.

We'll see about that.....


 

Who would think a tiny stomach on a tiny person so adorable could contain so much? NOW I KNOW!



The most fun she had all weekend. You try removing her from the REI tent displays.



"Getting" to work

To my 17.5 month old daughter, anything is interesting. Anything that is mine. Anything hanging over the edge of a counter. Any pen. Any dish (preferrably breakable). Any cell phone. The computer. The cat's tail. My stethoscope. Mail. My knitting (ERGH!). She still insists we wear shoes and hats indoors (however now instead of handing us the shoe and saying "Uhhhhhh" she says "doo").

This is really fun to watch. Hahaha, look at her go. Look at this human form of a tornado that I have amazingly given birth to..an adorable, mischievous, high pitched tornado.

I have to be honest, I'm actually feeling pretty glad that I have to go to work 3 days a week. Because as much as I LOVE my little girl and deeply MISS her while I'm gone, it actually feels really, really good to have adult conversation. Being in toddler zone means maintaining constant interest in all things toddler. Some examples: peek a boo, "wwwwhere's Ellie?", naming body parts, coloring, "I'm gonna get you!", going for walks (aka crawling up the steps of every single neighbor with steps). It also means constant vigilance over all things meant for adults. If suddenly the room becomes very quiet it can be almost assured that Ellie is doing something she's not supposed to be doing, like drawing on her hands with pen or quietly pecking on my computer. When I see her she'll freeze in the middle of what she's doing and look at me with her big, toddler, guilt-ridden face as if to say "What? You don't want me to do this?".

She's cute. And I love her a whole lot, so none of it I really mind. But now I have a real appreciation for all moms that choose to stay home with their children. It's tough. And at least at this age, there are no breaks, except for nap, and then you're probably going to want to get your own nap. Your whole day could be spent in toddler zone. And at the end of the day if you find yourself doing "this little piggy went to market" to your husband's toes then you know. Toddler brain has taken over.

So my point is, for any complaining I may ever do about having to work, I now look at it as I "get" to work. I get to leave the house and nurture the non-maternal part of my brain. I get to help people. I get to problem solve on an adult level. I get to drive around in my car and be able to walk into a Starbucks and enjoy a cup of coffee without toddler and entire entourage of toddler accoutrements. And I get to miss her. By the end of the day I'm just itching to get home.

When I do there's always a huge toddler grin, a high pitched "Mama!" and a big, glorious hug waiting for me.

And THAT, is pretty awesome.

savoring...

I wish I could contain life sometimes. Right now. These days. We're not doing any grand excursions. We're not plotting our next trip. We're not working towards any major goals. We're just in our routine, and our routine is wrapped up in the most curious and energetic 17 month old who has profoundly captured our hearts. 

I'd love to wrap up with pretty ribbons the swell that comes over my heart when my daughter takes my cheeks in her hands and plants kisses all over my face. I want to record all of the crazy, hilarious toddler word jumble that comes out of her mouth. I want to remember forever how special I feel when we go for walks and she insists on holding my hand. I want to freeze the moments when the three of us play together and Mike and I look at each other with the biggest grins on our faces. Her ever growing ability to communicate. The smell of her breath. The high pitched tone to her voice. The routine that we are in.

I know life is about never containing a moment. Life is about letting go and moving forward. But sometimes, oh how I wish, that life would let me keep these things.

Shaking some baby booty!

I'm not a big video poster, but I had to share this.


This is Ellie visiting her two very good friends, Jude and Zoe who live right next door. (Please excuse my cackling laugh echoing in the speaker. My laughs come from the gut!)

Cowl-a-bunga Dude!!

Ok ok pun police come and get me. I know!!!
BUT, I did make a cute little cowl, that I did not design, and the pattern is found here if ya'll are interested.

Anyway I modeled it for a picture.

Meh.

Then I stuck it on Ellie and she modeled it.

Nope.

Then my quirky little husband stepped up to the plate and gave that bad boy the glam it sure needed. Work it baby!!

You betcha!

The thing about Halloween

...is that every year I say it's a royal pain in the butt and my least favorite holiday. YET, so it seems, every year, I sort of have a kick ass time. So maybe the bitching and moaning pays off, you know, with the low expectations and all.

Once the costume parading is done the best part is surely watching all the neighborhood kids come out of the woodwork in their holiday best to unload you of your devil spawn which is HALLOWEEN CANDY. (aka crack in a wrapper). Serious cuteness! However it does stop being cute when you turn your lights off and 16 year olds (at least) bang on your door and in their manly voices yell "trick or treat" [insert manly voice]. I'm all yelling from behind my security door "sorry store's closed" when I really want to go out there and politely explain to them that their era is through, time to move on over for the cute little princesses and superhero KIDS trying to pry their sweet little fingers on your sugary snacks.

As the mom to a 17 month old I naturally made Ellie parade around in her costume ALL DAY long, which in case your wondering, was not the Frodo costume from the last post (that was more of a family costume) but rather her second costume which was thoughtfully stitched and sewn by some machine at a local Old Navy factory plant near you. It was a peacock in case your wondering. So I surely don't think a 17 month old needs candy, and she certainly doesn't get what trick or treating is (nor can she even say the words) but we got kind of caught up in the neighborhood fun and tried a few houses. I loved it! I felt like I was roaming the streets of butt ass cold Houlton, Maine circa 1986 shoveling as much candy into my PILLOW CASE of loot. (my sugar addiction has DEEP roots). Anyway, it was fun, even the one house we went to with the dude that answered his door as if he had absolutely no idea why we were there and I got all embarrassed and was like "oh you don't even need to give us candy, we're just practicing" and he was all like "oh, okay then" and I wanted to be all like "bitch you know your lights are on and it's HALLOWEEN." Only I didn't say that, toddler and all....

On to November!!!!!