The tireless rantings of supermom

Recently my mother came to visit. I greatly look forward to these visits because a)she's my mom and I love her, b)maybe, just maybe I can actually get a break from the little one and use grandma (aka Lala) as a distraction. Let's let Lala be the new toy! Plus, as a mom it feels GREAT knowing the strange person that's coming to visit actually really loves your kid. You know they do.

Enter small child. Yes she is intrigued by the Lala. Yes, she wants to look, to play, to touch, but only, ONLY if she is within arms, no FINGERS reach of her mother. That would be me. And what that means is that having a visitor, even though it IS my mother aka Lala and even though she loves her SO much and is all about PLAYING and BUYING her things and TALKING on her very sophisticated kid level, NONE of that takes away from the fact that she must, oh she must, have me along too. She must be sitting on my lap, NO kissing on my face, NO climbing on my back, NO sticking her finger in my ear (no I'm NOT exaggerating). Which, ahh, so sweet right? Hahaha! Well ok yes, sometimes it is sweet. But sometimes, say when I'm trying to STAND UP and simply WALK to oh I don't know, some object a mere yard away, it's not so fun to literally PRY my young child off of my legs. Literally pry. And in the prying you know that she's using you for balance so you pry yourself away and then the child falls (extra pathetically I might add) because she was LEANING on you! And you LET HER DOWN all because you were SOOOO selfish that you wanted to get up and get a glass of water? Change your shirt? Turn on the radio? HOW DARE YOU????

One day she will not want this and you will. One day she will not want this and you will. (This is my mantra, in case you were wondering).

Also recently we had some visitors that were not my mother but were in fact from Mike's side of the family, so obviously I wanted to have the house EXTRA clean so his family will think I'm EXTRA wonderful that not only do I have such a fabulous family but also a CLEAN and SPARKLY house! However leading up to this visit Mike was alone with the house. With the not-necessarily-dirty-but-could-use-a-good-how-do-you-do state that the house was in brings me to this: Men and women have very different ideas about what it means to have a clean house. (**this is a whisper***...cause when I say men and women what I really mean is Summer and Mike). Eh hem. The man's version of the clean house involves no sink full of dishes (yes!), no toys on obvious walking paths leading through the house (bonus!) and no leftover meal on the baby's chair (duh). The woman's version of cleaning the house is actually wiping off the counters. Picking up the amazing number of PILES of crap (books, mail, toys, etc etc etc etc etc). Laundry. Sweeping the floors. Mopping the floors. Getting the ring out of the toilet. Removing hair and unwanted body remains (ie fingernails) from the bathroom sink. Cleaning up the various piles of crap! (oh did I already say that? Well, there's a lot of those). Oh yeah and did I say wiping down the counters? Because I don't know how that one gets missed. That's the BEST PART about the picking up!

Ok ok ok maybe I'm exaggerating a bit (or maybe I should say exonerating because eh hem, he reads this blog!) but sometimes he, the man, actually gets the elbow grease off of the oven and mows the lawn and does very SEXY (oh my God so sexy) things like that. But the point of the rant is that one person's clean is another person's dirty. So there. We can all agree to disagree, right?

Anyway, right at this very moment the young child is sleeping and as all you moms know, sleep means "GO TIME". Which for me generally means write-a-blog-and-geek-out-on-facebook-for-an-hour-or-two. And how do I feel when the PRECIOUS naptime is over and I accomplished virtually nothing? Shitty. Guilty shitty, like oops I accidentally ate 4 pieces of cake kind of guilty shitty. So I'm thinking I don't want to feel that way today, and since we're only 30 minutes in to said nap, this is me signing off.

Kisses!

No boys allowed today

No seriously, just move along from this here post. Trust me, you don't want to be here. Because for as much as I love and adore you so much there is a time when material is sensitive, and when I say sensitive what i really mean is I'm going to talk about PERIODS!!!!
So there it is. Check back in tomorrow.

Because frankly ladies, men do not and can not get it. They can't! They have no idea what it feels like to be hijacked by some teeny tiny molecules and all of the sudden the centered, good natured being that you usually are finds herself struggling to maintain the status quo. Where suddenly emotional and physical pain are a part of your countenance. Where your flailing around like a sheep out of pasture when all of the sudden the aha moment hits you: it's been 28 days.

For me, it didn't use to be like this. Before I had Ellie I rarely even noticed my "aunt flo" except for the obvious physical nuances of it. After the baby came I didn't menstruate for eleven months. Eleven months! Of course that wasn't eleven months free of hormonal immunity because any former (or current) breastfeeder knows that a ride at the breastfeeding carnival is best likened to the freaky deaky funhouse, where the mirrors are all distorted and you have to consciously try to figure out how the hell to get out of there. But now, this is a new sort of mindgame, a sort of creep up on you state of affairs. A bad mood for like 4-5days straight. A deeply uncomfortable visceral pain deep in the abdomen. A please-do-not-attempt-to-chew-a-bowl-of-cereal-in-front-of-me annoyance. A mood that can be so clearly jarred with the most minute of situations that my husband actually has the nerve to ask me if it's that time of the month again. And by Jesus it is. It is. It is. It is.

And then it's over. Nature runs its course and I can pick up where I left off, praying I didn't offend anyone during "the transformation".

Moms: is this normal to have such heightened symptoms post-baby? I really want to know what ya'll have to say about the matter. Because my past attitude of "la dee da oops I'm on my period" has been sourly replaced with a much bitchier self. And I'm a nice person! I hate feeling these negative feelings. I hate the physical pain of it! Sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room and wait for it to all go away. Maybe this severity will resolve itself? Maybe I can try to run through the cramps and use some good ol' endorphins to defend myself against those other crazy hormones? I don't know! Either way, it is what it is right?

Oh isn't being a woman lovely?

Three little girls

A lot happens in a baby's year. A LOT. Growing bones, new teeth, new brain cells, coordination, confidence, hair! As a mom it's a bittersweet transformation: so much pride at your child's growth, and the subtle hint of sadness as you see those baby years fly by so darn fast. It's just another reminder to take each day as it comes. To enjoy each stage your child is in. To remember that even though your child is excessively clingy, one day she may not want to hug you at all. I could eat her up, honestly. You have no idea how many kisses she gets in a day (uncountable), how many "I love you's", how many "good job!", how many "you are such a good girl"'s. Because she is such a good girl. She is sweet and innocent and beautiful. Even when she does things I don't approve of, I want her to know amidst whatever "discipline" we are giving, that she is a good and loved girl.

Nature versus nurture. I can't help the nature, but I can do everything about the nurture.

I love being a mom.

Anyway, my very good friend Betsy lives one house over. Her girls, Jude and Zoe, are 2.5 months older than Ellie. They have been friends since birth, by default at first, but now they really love each other. I love watching these 3 play together. I hope they are friends for a long, long time

July 2009

July 2010

You're kickin ass, Colorado.

Like the rest of the country, it's hot here. I just don't do well with hot. 80's yes...bring it! But 90's, 100's? Whoa! Close the door behind you please and shut the blinds you're letting out the cool air. Saturday was record temps of 102 and I just couldn't fathom a day of being stuck inside, but I had to work that evening so we couldn't take a big adventure into the high, high country.

Instead, we drove 24 miles west and hiked up to St. Mary's Glacier. This is a well known landmark but I had never been, and let me just say my mouth was slack jawed when I got to the top. A)There's a glacier. There's a glacier. (Did I mention it was 102 in Denver?) B)Oh my God it was so pretty. And so close. And so easy to hike up with Ellie. C) though still warm, it was about 30 degrees cooler. Does everybody know about this??!!!

I am always trying to find close little hikes I can do with Ellie while Mike is working. This one is my new favorite.

I won't lie to you blog, I absolutely love Colorado.

Well that was (somewhat) fun.

It's kind of frustrating sometimes being a nurse, with a nurse schedule, and being married to a man who is only off two days a week. I get all these glorious weekdays and nights off, and no daddy to share them with. And doing things with Ellie, well it's so nice to get the extra help. So very nice. But when my next door neighbor Sue told me she was going to go camping with her 11 year old niece for the night I thought well why the hell not???

So Ellie and I ventured into the woods, and let me just say though it surely does not need to be said, doing anything with a toddler is a challenge. Having said that, it is truly amazing how much you can accomplish with one hand. With one hand, I packed all the gear, loaded up the car, unloaded the car and brought  all the insane amounts of gear to our campsite, all the while holding my precious 23ish pound weight in the other. Fortunately I had the peace to set it all up with two hands when Ellie realized how very cool our home for the night was.

Once all of that was through it was great. We were in nature! She loved the open space and her new found ability to walk. She was picking up rocks. Giving me pine cones. Putting pebbles in our tent. Exploring. She was on fire and truly she was the entertainment for the night (a fact that she was very well aware of). She really was adorable to watch and I fully acknowledge my mama bias, but seriously, it was kind of over the top with the cuteness. And that cuteness goes along way. She wants to play near the fire. Mama comes swooping in to pick her up. She wants to climb on the cooler. Mama comes swooping in to pick her up. She wants to put dirt in her mouth. Mama comes swooping in to pick her up. She wants to tip her dinner plate over on the ground. Mama comes swooping in to pick it up. It was quite the effort to keep little miss cutie pie out of mischief. But like I said, she had the cuteness thing going for her.

I remember my friend Sue said to me "Summer didn't you bring your guitar?"  I've been rockin out on that thing for years and nothing is more fun than a campsite jam. I didn't and frankly it hadn't even occurred to me this time. And in that moment I realized something: I will not be bringing my guitar with me for a long time, at least not without Mike there. It is humanly not possible with a child at this age, at least my child. Truthfully I was so busy wrangling her, her clothes and all our gear that right before I left the door I grabbed a small handful of clothes for me. My guitar! Hahahaha!

Our biggest mistake in this very lesson filled camping trip was that no matter how tempting it might be to forego the extra hassle, the child needs her pack and play. She needs containment. She gets so excited when she realizes that I'm sleeping right next to her. She's constantly flopping onto me in all sorts of directions, wacking me with her head and then crying about it. And the child sleeps in 360 degrees. One direction for a few hours. Another direction a little later. Completely turned around on the opposite side of the tent by morning. And in the end, she really slept like crap.

When she woke up around 6am I said screw this and I packed our gear and one handedly sherpa'ed it back to the car. I high tailed it for home and put her in her glorious and beautiful crib where right at this moment she remains sleeping.

We will keep trying. Processes will get better. The gear will be better assembled. And she will continue to love it. And that's the kind of mom I want to be. The kind of mom that takes her daughter in to nature so she can grow up appreciating it. It's worth the effort. I remind myself of this as I'm looking at our big pile of stuff that needs to be unpacked. And I'll remember it as I smell this on our laundry.

I'll make it but I sure as hell won't wear it!

I can count on one hand the amount of times I've left the house for more than 4 hours, sans child. (excluding work of course) I'm just one of those moms that can't stand being away. Healthy? Probably not. I just love that little bugger of mine so much. Howevah! I actually did accomplish some "me time" this weekend. Not mommy time. Not wife time. Me time. It was great. It felt healthy.

Me and my friend Betsy rode our bikes all over Denver on Saturday. We went out to lunch. We shopped. We both giggled and laughed at our freedom! Then we went to the downtown public library and made jewelry with a large group of women. The class was on how to make your own "Eco Bib Necklace". It felt wonderful sitting among a large group of creative ladies and sewing, glueing, picking out pieces, and sharing ideas.

What is an eco bib necklace?

Stylish! Trendy!

That said, there is no way in hell I am ever wearing this necklace! Some people can pull off this avante gard costume jewelry look. I so can not. I hardly even wear jewelry. My collection is meager, to say the least, and I can tell you right now, after this class, my collection did not get any bigger.

Still...It was fun! (and it was free, so it was win win either way)

Betsy's "mickey mouse" themed necklace.

(haha, just kidding Bets)

My little Victorian flair. (a very lovely Russian woman sitting next to me taught me how to make those flowers...super easy and cute).

Some other examples of fellow classmates:

The one and only time you will ever see this bad boy on me.

That's the story of the Hurricane...

On Friday I watched my child, in all her total nakedness, stand up in the play room on her own accord, and walk into the next room, some 30 feet or so. She looked back at me with the biggest grin and we both clapped "Yay!" (She didn't notice that my jaw was dropped down and I actually was a little teary).

The child has not stopped since.

I like her walking, it's beyond adorable. Her little Frankenstein walk cracks me up. However this new skill doesn't come without it's consequences. And when I say consequences what I really mean is:

total and mass destruction.

She is in to everything. Everything. It's as though she learned how to walk and then in the same instant learned that there is a large vertical world that she now has access to at her own disposal. She pokes, prods, peeks, sucks on, handles, and then moves on to the next object. She's a whirlwind. She's a hurricane. Here is a little example from this morning. Mind you this is all within the first 2 hours of waking up for the day.

 

Oh boy,

Here. We. Go.

We are GOING TO HAVE FUN, damn it!

I told myself, before I had a child, that I would not allow the fact that I have a child disrupt me from the things I love most in life. I would share these things with my child, and in doing so my child would simply LOVE these things, just as much as her mama.

Hahahahahahaha.
Hahaha. Ha.

I love hiking. I really, truly, in my heart of hearts, find tremendous joy from hitting the trail and feeling the energy of movement course through my body. I mean this is NATURE. Of course this is something that I want to share with my child. I want her to feel the mountain air, explore wildflowers, take in her beautiful surroundings. And you know, now she's getting bigger, and she's more...interactive. Which is usually pretty awesome, and it makes me feel energized when she explores. I want her to know this love of mine.

I'm a regular follower of my friend Elizabeth's blog, and she's always posting these great photos of her toddler in the backpack, both of them with all kinds of smiles. She makes it look so FUN, so EASY. And truly, the touting in the backpack is not terrible. I don't mind at ALL carrying the extra load. But little miss Ellie has got a mind of her own when it comes to mommy's "special time". And it involves tons of whining, sticking her fingers in my ears, pulling at my hair, smearing the sweat on my neck all over my face. She wants to play with the water bottle cap. She wants a drink of water. She wants to play with the water bottle cap. She wants a drink of water. She wants to play with the water bottle cap. OMG. All the while I am TRYING to enjoy nature!

Not havin' it.

This picture sucks and I know it. It would have been awesome if Ellie was paying attention to the beautiful butterfly dancing in front of us, and not trying to grab my camera. Aaahh!

Note to self: though I will never use the front facing snugli again as I practically have to step over my child to get down the mountain, I will continue to bring a camelback if possible because lo and behold, that nozzle gave me a good 15 minutes of fuss free attention.  

The other issue is one of timing. Colorado is very predictable. It's sunny and hot in the morning, and then, in the summer, you can almost expect a summer storm to come through. So breakfast, a 9:30 nap, changing of the clothes, packing of the stuff and various other child keeping tasks and then I'm out the door, usually with at least 2 more runs back inside for stuff I forgot while Ellie screams from the car when she sees me sprinting away. We have narrowly missed all rainstorms at this point but getting the hike squeezed into our Colorado weather time slot is another stress. (don't even say get up earlier. I'm a night shift worker and that is unfortunately not in my vocabulary)

See how dark those clouds are? Time to walk FAST!

STILL, we persevere. One of these days she's gonna love it. I just know it.

Pretty.

See you next year, 4th of July. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

Am I allowed to say that my July 4th royally sucked? Though I had 4 glorious days off Mike had to work for every single one. This meant no family outings except for a Rockies game on Sunday for which I had to leave early because I was having awful cramps. We didn't see any fireworks because it was pouring rain, and wouldn't have mattered anyway because Ellie would be sleeping. Didn't go out with our friends because of said sleeping. Though we did hear that they had a great time! Oh fourth of July....wake me when it's over, will you?

Oh wait, it is over. OK so I officially apologize for my bad attitude but hey if a girl can't have a bad attitude on her own blog then what's the point I ask? Anyway, things weren't that bad. Here are some very lovely things that happened in the past few days. These are the things I will remember when I think of July 4th 2010.

Seeing this flower on another hike. So pretty.

Ellie's new red wagon! Thanks so much Lala!

Eclipse!! Yes I saw it and yes I LOVED it. If you have followed this blog at all you know that I have a ridiculous love for the Twilight saga. And this movie only fed that fire. The cinematography was awesome, characters well developed, plot line well along. And then there were the abs. The beautiful, rock hard abs. I'll stop there. This is me and my good friend Betsy, enjoying a margarita before the show, reveling in getting out of the house!!!

 Narrowly missing a rainstorm while on a hike with my favorite little lady. Started pouring as soon as we reached the car!

Scoring some party suite seats at the Rockie's game. I had to leave early because I wasn't feeling so hot, but I hardly think I was alone because it was a 5 hour game. Ellie loved it. Go Rockies!

Ah, rain in the sun. Seeing it rain through the streams of sunlight is such a sight to behold. I do love a good rainstorm.

Her. She is the most beautiful thing in every one of my days. Man is she getting big or what??!? Helping her mama fold laundry. Ah, pretty soon you'll be doing it on your own kid!  :)