It takes a village but I ain't got one.

Well for all my bitching about being a tired and sleep deprived mom, I'm finally doing something about it.

I'm switching to the day shift!

You know somedays I am out seeing patients at 4am and I see the normal (NOT nocturnal) world start to rise. I see people out jogging. I see Starbucks turn on their lights. And it makes me envious of that world. That well-slept daytime hours world. Because for me, the long and short of it is that I am tired most of the time, EVEN on days I don't work. I rarely wake up feeling chippy. I rarely even wake up before my daughter. In fact, my work schedule has made me such an insomniac that I usually don't even lift an eyelid until I hear Ellie's first cries. Then I literally force myself out of bed still half sleeping and go in and fetch my daughter. And let me tell you, a cup of coffee and some downtime before a day with a toddler is OH SO NICE.

So I am excited. REALLY excited. However, with this new arrangment (which hasn't started yet) comes the need for more CHILDCARE. God I hate dealing with this! Don't I wish I lived in a little village where all my relatives were around me and Ellie was cared for by loving relatives 100% of the time. HEAVEN! (That really does sound good). Because I will say that one does not fully grasp the stress of childcare until one actually has to do it.

I remember me and Mike were on a walk last year and we "popped in" on this preschool that was just blocks away. I will never forget the HAGGARD woman balancing 2 kids who answered the door in a stressed out huff and how I peeked in and there were babies crying and this line of cribs straight out of a romanian orphanage documentary. I told Mike, I think in these exact words, "Let's get the hell out of here". Since then we have hired a nanny, two thus far, and they've been great. But still, I know how hard it is to have a baby all day long, and she's MY BABY and I have a built in DEEP INGRAINED love. So you worry. And then you realize you have to let go and trust. And then I meet a woman who tells me that her baby was with her neighbor friend while she worked during the day and her baby fell and got some cerebral hemmorhage and almost died and my nerves get all tied up in a bunch! And then I say to myself trust trust trust and let go and really that's all I can do.

But man if there is not a lot of stressors out there!

But we are moving forward! For the record, these past 7 months working full time at night and being a stay at home mom HAVE been pretty special. Minus a couple of emotional meltdowns, my munchkin and I have gotten really close, and MAN I love her so! I'm thankful for the opportunity I have had. Not everyone gets the option to be home.

But I think it will be good for us to have days apart during the week. And it will feel good to sleep. At night. (Amen!)