I worked this weekend. I worked and it was glorious out. It was glorious out and I felt happy, really really happy. And I performed my hospice nurse duties, with this happiness, as I went into a lot of very sad homes. Homes where people that are loved are dying. And of course my happiness changed. (One must be ever so present in these situations.) But then I left. I drove away in my car and headed to my home, to my family. And as I drove, with the windows down, I started thinking about LIFE. What's the meaning? What are we accomplishing? What the hey is going on?I like when I ask myself these questions because then I remember that yes, this is my LIFE. I am very much alive. I'm sculpting this here existence each and every day. I'm composing this symphony. I'm writing this ever changing novel.
I think that we, as humans are full of so many complexities, so much depth, so much DRAMA. So much that in fact it that it can all become quite dizzying. So dizzying in fact that it really just becomes...simple. The point that is. We're here, touching each other, experiencing each other. Having small interactions and taking away what we need or want from them. Filling up with whatever it is that fills us up. Singing with whatever voice we were given. Laughing. Crying. Loving. Sharing. Going home to people that we love. Receiving love. Opening up to possibilities. Feeling the wind on our faces. Trying to ignore the urges inside of us. Acting on the urges inside of us.
Sometimes I get very lost in my life's problems. I forget to look up at the view and take things way too seriously. But what if it was me in one of those sad, sad homes. It will be one day. So I ask myself: how serious will my life seem then, when I'm faced with the concept that it will soon end? Won't I want to look up from my small, tiny life and enjoy the big expanse....the big fat world of people touching each other and of a landscape that is so dynamic, so intricate, so darn beautiful? Yes, I should think the view, my view, what I choose to see will certainly change.
Point is, we're all going to live in a sad home. One day. But not this day. Not now.
4 comments:
Great post Summer. I love that you talk about life in this way and acknowledge your true feelings - so many people don't look inside themselves and the answer to life in my opinion is simple in the end. You are either alive or not, so work through its convolutedness to experience, as you state, its simplicity. We continue moving forward! Love you!
I love your parting photo! Doesn't that say it all about life.
i have been in a sad home where there was a hospice nurse. i learned that you can't live life just waiting for that to happen.
yellow leaves against a bright blue sky always makes me so darn happy!
Just wanted you to know I forwarded this to my sister and her husband. She is coming home from Afghanistan and they are talking about divorce. Hoping this serves as a little inspiration to remind them what's important. Thank you!
Jenn
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