and then there were three...

I have a daughter. Her name is Eleanor Grace Nicklasson. She has the most beautiful chubby face, a little button nose from her father, inquiring eyes that melt my heart. She was born this morning at 0118. She arrived on her due date, perfectly ready to join the world.

The birth story
Thursday morning I woke up depressed. I was through with work, mom was still staying at the house waiting for me to have a baby, I was uncomfortably pregnant, anxious. I slept in until 11am.

At 2:30 I saw a nurse practitioner at my ob clinic. Upon examination she found me to be 6 cm dilated, 100% effaced and with bulging membranes. She called me at home soon after our appt. After having talked with one of the doctors, she was advising me to go to the labor and delivery deck, to the observation unit, as I was a high risk of having quick labor, potentially at home. I happily called Mike to come home and got our bags together. Let's get this show on the road!

At the hospital, once hooked up to the monitors, I realized I was having contractions. I had actually probably been having them for a while, but they only caused me discomfort, never pain, so I did not pay them much heed. The doctor on call, a lovely doctor whom I instantly liked, discussed rupturing my membranes. I knew this procedure meant that labor would be imminent, so it did not take long to decide to move forward with this. She ruptured my membranes at 7:30pm. Her assessment found me to be 5cm dilated.

Things picked up quickly from there. My contractions became stronger and more frequent. I breathed through them with focused breathwork, aware of the growing pain in my uterus. But soon the intensity changed. The pain became excrutiating, contractions were coming within a minute of each other. I became a different person, unknowing of anything that was going on except the intense pain within my body. I howled, I moaned, I clutched. I could do nothing but lay in a fetal position while my body and mind writhed, struggling to get past each peak. After 2 hours of this the resident checked my cervix and found me to be 5.5 cm dilated. I had only gained half a centimeter of progress. This news broke me and finally I asked for the epidural. No, begged for the epidural. I could not handle that amount of intensity for what could potentially be hours to get me to 10 cm.

After the epidural the labor dynamic changed immensely. I left the place of excrutiating pain and came back into the birthing space. I was able to engage with Mike, my mother and the labor team. It was miracle medicine, pure and simple. 45 minutes later when the nurse checked my cervix she said the I was fully dilated and it was time to push. I had gained almost 5 cm of progress within 45 minutes of epidural!

I pushed for about 3o minutes. Mike and my mom were both holding my legs coaching and supporting me. The room became full of anticipation and excitement as this baby began making her way into our world. And then she arrived! They placed her almost immediately on my stomach and the moment became a forever moment, the kind of moment that contained nothing less than pure magic. I looked at her, this being that I had nourished and loved for 9 months inside of my belly. She was alive and beautiful and perfect and in that moment I knew that everything had changed. Love took on a new meaning, a meaning that was so acute, so real, that it almost hurt. My life was no longer my own.

What has followed in these 24 hours has been magical and completely consuming. A world outside of this little girl is so far, far away.


Eleanor Grace Nicklasson was born at 0118 on May 22, 2009. She weighed 8 lbs 1 ounce.