Today I'm going to talk about pregnancy. I hate to do this, I don't want this to turn into a pregnancy blog. But as I'm searching my brain for something remotely interesting, she kicks. A big jolt-me-out-of-whatever-thought-I-was-in kick. And there it is. I'm pregnant with pregnancy on the brain. I can't fight it.
And so, at the risk of sounding completely obsessed with pregnancy, here is
Top 10 adjustments that must be made when pregnant:
1. Social life. Who knew I had so many friends that were pregnant? And oh yeah, what's a party?
2. Socks. You can't just put them on. You have to do a series of forward bends to get your momentum. One bend (kind of), two bends (further), three bends (touchdown!). To get on one sock.
3. Sleep. You can't sleep on your belly. You can't sleep on your back flat. You have to sleep on your side...preferrably the left so the baby gets the most oxygen. Which leads me to
4. The organization of your precious sanctuary....your bed. You now have a body pillow for sleep. You stick it under the sheets (good night Mike! Don't mind this big honkin pillow between us!) You spoon it and it's great. But then, in the middle of the night, you want to change positions so you either a)relocate the big pillow to your other side along with all the other sheets/blankets on top of it thereby exposing your bed partner, or b) hurl you and your big old belly up over the pillow, a process that could potentially be likened to trying to hop a fence. Good times in the middle of the night.
5. Clothes. While maternity pants are wonderful in so many ways, they are designed to fit you during a very small window of your pregnancy, when you fit into them just perfectly. However unless in that window you are walking around most of the time with your pants creating a butt that goes down to your knees. And don't even bother being modest about your bum crack anymore. By now everyone's seen it. Sexy!
6. Smells. Oh my God someone farted two room away and it' making you sick!
7. Forgetfulness. If you were bad before you're doomed now. Oh sorry Mrs. So-and-so patient. I know your husband is dying and you're completely consumed, but can you please help me find my keys???
8. The kicking. Which I love. Which I'm obsessed with. So if you come into a room and you see me looking down at my belly, motionless, smiling, you'll know why. I may say to you "wait, wait, look at this." And you may look, 30 seconds or so, and if you're lucky you'll see the movements of the baby's acrobatics. Or you may start looking at your watch. I can't make her jump on command you know!
9. Endurance. I'm a runner kind of girl. I ran a freaking marathon! But don't mind that, you just go on up ahead. Don't mind the girl waddling behind you clutching that cramp under her belly. I'll be fine. Go! Go!
10. The realization that you're going to soon have a baby and that you will be a mom. This is the biggest adjustment of all.
(10.a: Emotional: Like you go back and read your post and then get all teary when you read the last line.
Why? Because you're PREGNANT!!)
Friday, March 6, 2009
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5 comments:
Oh c'mon, just embrace it. We want to hear every last detail, mom-to-be!
Summer, You are a riot!! I love reading your hilarious blog. I sent this entry to my pregnant friends. You should post it on FB. See you soon!!! Love, Mom
On number 10, the most wonderful thing in the world is being a mother! My kids are 24 and 26 and I still feel the same way. I loved and love it! Being a grandmother is also A WONDERFUL THING. I had my grandaughter for the whole weekend and loved every minute of it. It doesn't make any difference that the minute her mom is gone she starts looking for her bink and we pretend that she is going to bed with it persay mom's orders. Bedtime only! We try to go to sleep. Sleep just eludes us. And besides how can you go to sleep when Bailey keeps laying right under your bed looking like he can't wait for someone to throw his toy? Oh well, we must get up. We're too busy to sleep. Bink does come with us because now its stuck in our mouth and it makes her so happy. We decide to read a story and look for the duck. This is a grandmother's perfect day.
As wacky and obsessed as pregnant moms often seem to be to the non-initiated and non-endowed, I urge you to resist the tendency to fight the baby/belly-blog urge. You're feverish anticipation and sock-donning struggles are too adorable and hillarious to deny coverage for your loving and loyal readers and friends.
My only question: how did you attach the live camera-shot of your utero-progeny to this blog. I just had a crazy lunch at Central Market, and I'd love to do the same...8)
love to you Summa-bumma!
have you heard about those belly bands that let you wear your regular pants (albeit unbuttoned and unzipped) throughout your pregnancy? My friend can't stop talking about them!
p.s. you're so cute!
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