traditions

It's over. Thanksgiving has come and gone and now we are officially in the Christmas season. I love the holidays. I love the traditions and the songs and the lights and the presents and the good cheer and the food. I love watching classic movies like the Sound of Music and a Christmas Story. I love eating port wine cheese balls. I love the snow. I love the carols. I love Christmas crafts. I love all the baking.

Christmas makes me long for family. Not just my Mike family, but my family family, the one I've had since birth. Christmas just isn't the same without that crazy banter. No one will sing Christmas carols like Mom and no one but myself and my mom know every single word to the entire movie The Sound of Music. No one appreciates being forced to listen to Twas a Night before Christmas like my sister. No one insists on a Christmas eve present in the morning like my brother. And of course no one will give me fake poop or vomit and always always always leave an orange in the toe of the stocking like my dad did.

In any case, situations change, families grow up, grow out, but traditions do not have to die. Mike and I have our own family now with a new addition arriving in Spring of 2009. And you can bet your bottom dollar that that little child will appreciate anything ever done by Julie Andrews, will be crazy for christmas crafts, and will grow up with the same rich memories that still make me smile inside every time the holidays roll around. '

And then all of the holiday goodness comes around full circle.

And I think that's pretty cool.

Thanksgiving

One day my body will start to fail,

my mind may start to wander,

my heart could break in two,

my optimism start to wane.

But today, on this day,

my hands can not write of

anything except joy.

My life is blessed.

My heart is grateful.

I hope all of you have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Feed me Seymor!

I had a nutrition teacher in college who I absolutely loved. She was so wise, so right on. She was one of those people I wanted to be like. There were two pieces of wisdom that she passed down to us that I took to heart because I loved her so, and I locked it in my brain so as never to forget. One is that the New York Times is the best place to receive your news, it's innovative and well researched, especially their tuesday science section. So I immediately got a subscription. She also said that there are two days that you can forget anything you ever thought about your diet: your birthday, because you deserve it, and thanksgiving, because the whole day is about EATING (note: NOT christmas). So, given that,

Thursday is Thanksgiving, my almost favorite holiday of the year! And thanksgiving dinner is most indubitably my FAVORITE meal of the year. Especially this year, because as I have recently discovered,

this pregnant lady is HUNGRY!

Hey now. That hoodlum's got potential!

We have sketchiness in our alley all the time. Those crazy men that roll through, pilfering through the dumpsters, the break ins, and the "tags" that always seem to appear in the mornings. This neighborhood is wonderful about rallying together to clean things up and we definitely watch each other's backs. But we do live in a highly urban area, so you know, there's only so much you can do.

Anyway, the house directly behind us in the alley gets tagged all the time, a simple black tag that I can never read. And some kind neighbor will clean it up. But this morning THIS appeared. Wow. Now this wasn't your everyday tag. This took some effort.

That garage is kind of badass now. I wonder if anyone will repaint it.

Estrogen, prolactin, progesterone...oh MY!

By geez, I think they got me.

It seems those little buggers have taken a nose dive right into the middle of my brain. They're making me feel a little bit nutso here. That must have been them when I came home bawling buckets because I got a ticket. They must be the reason I've been even more dingbatty than usual. They're what's making me frumpy and tired. They're making me irritable. They're turning me into little Nelly Nincompoop.

Long live the myth of men trying to understand what it is like to be a woman. Impossible task! They don't know what's it like to be going along in the world as your person, lah-di-dah, and then one day your brain gets hijacked with these little tiny molecules and then you are not the same. You lose control. You have NO FREAKING idea why you feel like you do, why you want to scream at someone, why commercials make you cry, why you want to go to bed at 8pm every night. Only that you do. You must.

How smart Mike was to go out with his friends this evening because queen sobby over here went and watched Love Actually. And then Sex in the City. And then I looked at a bunch of baby pictures on the internet and read all kinds of young mom posts and had the crazy epiphany that "Oh my God, I'm really having a WHAT? A BABY?".

I'm going to be a mom????!!!!

I need a tissue. And maybe some chocolate.

Ok, he got me.

My grandmother is so super cool; I just couldn't love her more. I've noticed that in her older years she has this new habit to giving away things that belong to her when you visit. Which I have to admit I love; she's got the best relics. Last time I visited her she sent me home with this, because she was convinced Mike would like it.

It's a head figurine that she got in Alaska decades ago and I remember it always being on her walls as a child. I'm not sure why she thought Mike would like it but he does, though we've not really found a home for it yet.

Anyway, this isn't such an exciting story really. But let's play a game for a minute.

Imagine it's getting late. You're tired. Time for bed you guess. Get on those pajamas. Start to shut down. Gotta brush those teeth. Open up the medicine cabinet to get your toothbrush, and...

OMG!
He's such a little shit.

The book fairy came this weekend!!

Well this weekend brought about one major accomplishment for me: I actually got into a book. I have like 10 books by my bed, from all different genres, and I read them for a day or two, get bored, pick up another one, maybe revisit the old one. There's no committment. And I really wanted commitment. I wanted to feel utterly in love with a book. I wanted to crave it first thing in the morning and hardly be able to tear myself away from it for the entire day.

Since I'm a sucker for love stories I picked up "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriela Garcia Marquez, only I picked it up like 2 months ago. And it took me almost 2 months to get through the first 50 pages. (see?) But I told myself there has GOT to be potential in this book, I mean look at the title! And I think they just made a movie out of it. So I dragged my tired pregnant body to 24 hour fitness saturday morning, plopped myself in one of those recumbent bikes that looks as though one could actually take a nap in it, got out my book, and before I knew it I had biked for an hour! Woah! What just happened here? Did I get bitten by the book fairy?

Yes it appears I have because, though it's not the infatuating love I had craved, it's a good steady love that kept me coming back for more all weekend long. So, given my new love affair with my book and a pretty gorgeous weekend, here's my summary of this weekend, 2008.

- Getting into a book, a Venezualan dinner party, massive amounts of time in the mirror admiring my growing belly, awesome homemade chili by Mike, a 20 mile urban road ride, catching up on Heroes via the internet, a trip to the asian market, eating an entire watermelon by myself (not uncommon), and dinner at La Fondue!

Fun with holiday photos

I used to watch my friend Darci's kids, Olivia and Austin. They were so adorable and I really just love those little munchkins to pieces! I just stumbled upon these photos from last year and they make me laugh. This is me trying to get creative for a potential christmas pic. Poor little unsuspecting shepard children. They were such good sports!

Say hello to the little baby Jesus, kids!

This weekend

Shepard's pie, sleeping in, our two year anniversary, a fancy dinner on the town, cleaning cleaning cleaning, a good cry at home with a sad movie, actually going to the movies, a nice hike, playing the guitar, domestic massages, fresh baked chocolate chip and butterscotch cookies, and having a sassy old Jewish friend over for dinner.

November 7 will always hold this.

Love. It finds us and takes hold. It makes impressions that are deep, that become a part of your very person. And at some point everything must go, and you are left wide open and exposed. Holes get filled in with grief. Grief slowly changes. Eventually it becomes something more tolerable, then becomes something you can live with.

Then, one day, it becomes gratitude.

These past four years without you have been a journey, and I've become a different person because of it.

Today I walk with gratitude,
for you will always be a shining star in my sky.

Yup, I'm still pregnant.

This is a good thing. When I look back I can't believe I let the cat out of the bag so early. ( a true testament to my completely impatient nature). But soon we'll be at 12 weeks, which is 3 months for any of those who are bad at math, which technically isn't the end of the first trimester yet but it's still a milestone. And for an impatient gal like me, milestones are all I have to look forward to,

because 40 weeks is one helluva long time.

In any case, my body is changing I tell ya! I officially can no longer suck in my belly. That little puddy part just won't stick itself back in! This is clearly something I must get used to because it's only going outward from here! And my boobs feel like they've grown hundreds of new nerve endings. And I have pretty nails!

Honest disclaimer: I'm scared about getting fat and ugly. There. I said it. I was fat once, for a short time in college and I was really unhappy about it. I hated going out and my self-esteem plummeted. Then I discovered the power of exercise and I was a changed woman, never returning to my old marshmallow face again. Now it's just a part of my lifestyle.

Then comes pregnancy where you can NOT diet. Fine, I can live with that. But it's the exercise that gets to me. I'm a pretty fit person and exercise is a daily routine for me. Now I find myself getting POOPED with any extended amounts of activity. Running has turned to walking. Going to the gym has turned to one more run on the snooze alarm. And it gets me down, because I really don't want to let myself go because I'm now a baby maker. So I'm trying to rally, and trying to be gentle with myself and my neuroses, and hopefully that fine balance will appear. And hopefully my energy level will pick up a bit, too.

We as woman do a LOT in this whole recreationism thing. This is no small feat.

rant for the day. Have a great tomorrow!

Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween. Welcome to November!!